Tuesday, January 17, 2006
The Value of Questions
Most of the people in the community advocated plowing, 90-10 rule, entertaining. In other words, they say that you have to provide value, you have to roll up, be funny, tell stories and jokes to raise your value. Don’t ask questions, only make statements they say..
I say value can be sub communicated by questions.
When you were a child, and you talked to adults, the conversation was something like this.
Adult: “How was your day Billy?
Billy: “It was good”
Adult: Aww, that’s great, what did you do?’
Billy: “I played on the swings, did arts and crafts, went to my friend Jacobs house”
Adult: “That sounds like a fun day! What did you and Jacob do?”
Billy” We went to Mcdonald’s with his mom…..and then afterwords we played on in the funhouse. And we met his other friend tim, who was there and afterwords his mom let us get milkshakes and then we went back to his house and then…”
How does this relate to pickup? Let me explain…
The underlying assumption in an adult-kid interaction is that the adult must lead, and probe the kid to open up, and then let the kid excitedly talk about himself, while the adult listens, or at least pretends to.
Why is this?
Because the adult has value in that they don’t need to impress the kid. Instead, they are looking for the kid to impress him. Not in the sense that the kid needs to actually impress him, but he is looking for the little guy to just open up. They are adults after all, and what does he need to show the kid about himself?
Secondly, the adult has value in the fact that they have years of conversational experience on the kid, so the adult must lead the conversation and allow the child to open up and express himself.
Notice how in this conversation, the person with higher value asks the questions, shows interest, does not qualify him/herself to the child.
Why should a conversation with a cute brunette be any different?
Think about it…
A special thanks to Juggler’s crew Charisma Sciences Institute who not only inspired this post, but changed the way I think about human interaction. I love you guys.
For more on this topic, take a look at John’s post “the entertainment trap” located in the “passport” section of the CSI website. And finally, check out Juggler’s book. It’s that good.
I say value can be sub communicated by questions.
When you were a child, and you talked to adults, the conversation was something like this.
Adult: “How was your day Billy?
Billy: “It was good”
Adult: Aww, that’s great, what did you do?’
Billy: “I played on the swings, did arts and crafts, went to my friend Jacobs house”
Adult: “That sounds like a fun day! What did you and Jacob do?”
Billy” We went to Mcdonald’s with his mom…..and then afterwords we played on in the funhouse. And we met his other friend tim, who was there and afterwords his mom let us get milkshakes and then we went back to his house and then…”
How does this relate to pickup? Let me explain…
The underlying assumption in an adult-kid interaction is that the adult must lead, and probe the kid to open up, and then let the kid excitedly talk about himself, while the adult listens, or at least pretends to.
Why is this?
Because the adult has value in that they don’t need to impress the kid. Instead, they are looking for the kid to impress him. Not in the sense that the kid needs to actually impress him, but he is looking for the little guy to just open up. They are adults after all, and what does he need to show the kid about himself?
Secondly, the adult has value in the fact that they have years of conversational experience on the kid, so the adult must lead the conversation and allow the child to open up and express himself.
Notice how in this conversation, the person with higher value asks the questions, shows interest, does not qualify him/herself to the child.
Why should a conversation with a cute brunette be any different?
Think about it…
A special thanks to Juggler’s crew Charisma Sciences Institute who not only inspired this post, but changed the way I think about human interaction. I love you guys.
For more on this topic, take a look at John’s post “the entertainment trap” located in the “passport” section of the CSI website. And finally, check out Juggler’s book. It’s that good.
|| Knoweldge One (Formerly Spitkicker), 1:00 AM
