ZEN and the art of ATTRACTION.

The objective in pickup is not proving to others that you are cool, or rich, or funny. The objective is simply this; draw other people out of their heads and engage them.

Too often, beginners are taught strategies, routines, and stories that leave them acting like clowns instead of cool guys. Sometimes, even the seasoned pros fall into this trap.

John Henson, the business manager over at CSI calls this the "entertainment trap". Below is an entry that he posted on his blog.
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The Entertainment Trap

Its soooo easy to do - fall into the entertainment trap. I found myself doing it last night.

I was out at a local college bar for $3 beer pong with a few friends. I was enjoying conversations with a few friends new and old, and while my beer pong arm was hurt, it was a fun night. Ran into some girls I haven't seen in awhile. Then I saw Nicole.

Nicole has been "dating" my friend Will for a few months. Very attractive girl and friendly as can be; I think she's 20. But Nicole very much buys into the U of M Attitude. Its the weirdest thing: if a girl knows you or someone you know, you're best friends. If you don't have any connection to her, you are CRAP and are not allowed to talk to her. Its certainly not like this with all of the girls, mostly the sorority scene and its periphery. Anyways, it drove me batty until I got on the facebook (like friendster for universities) and realized how many people I knew here.

So, I said hello to Nicole. We'd only met once before, briefly, and we'd forgotten each other's names. Anyways, the conversation starts and before I know it I'm in Presentation Mode.

Presentation Mode is one of John's business alter-egos. Its the guy who used to present to venture capitalists and other potential investors. Now, you typically get one of two things from this audience, both of which I'd developed instinctive responses to:
1.) blank stares until you're done: move on, pour forth more energy, try to engage them. You're afraid to stop for a moment because you know if will be uncomfortable.
2.) lots of questions out of left field that can derail you. So you acknowledge their question, offer some kind of pat answer or an "I don't know", and you get back to your presentation.

Shortly before I'd started talking to Nicole, I'd been telling a friend about an idea I had for a new class of investment, and was definitely pitching. This state carried over as I started talking to Nicole. I just told story after story, every now and then asking questions, but only to advance my conversational agenda (which was to entertain). I offered a bunch of information about myself without making her ask for it. Just sloppy salesmanship.

The problem with this is not that she didn't want to stick around. She was hanging on my words. But something weird happened - two of her friends came by and she didn't introduce me. I'm ALWAYS introduced. And I realized that I'd fallen into the Entertainment Trap. I'd been providing so much of the energy and giving her so little ability to be assertive that by the time her friends came along, it was a little reprieve for her. 10 seconds was enough, then she was back.

Even though I had no goal with Nicole other than friendly conversation, I'd violated all of our rules. Create a vacuum. Be comfortable with silence. Don't offer too much information. DON'T ENTERTAIN TOO MUCH!

Entertainment can be a great way to be interesting to someone, but it ultimately makes things harder as your relationship with that person evolves. They have not made a commitment to the interaction commensurate with your own. They will always be wondering why you really enjoy spending time with them - are they a subject of a 2-way interaction, or an object of your self-indulgent need to have people listen to you?

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Have you ever found yourself in this spot before? Chances are you have..
There's alot of great stuff over in the passport section of the Charisma Sciences website, which is where this post came from. I encourage you to check it out. Their writings are light years of mine, but hey...I'm getting better :)

You MUST be different from every other guy. Sounds tough doesn’t it? Well its not. You yourself don’t actually have to be different, but you have to act differently. What’s the secret?

The “secret” isn’t to act cocky and funny, or to act like an asshole, or to act like a nice guy, or anything else.

To tell you the truth, you shouldn’t be anything else besides what you really are at your core. If you start acting like someone that you aren’t, best case scenario is that you will end up attracting women to your fake personality, and not the real you. Even after you add many notches to your belt, you will feel still feel empty inside because you attribute your success with women to this persona, and not the real you you. Now, that’s the BEST case scenario.

Worst case scenario, and the more likely of the two is that you will begin to act in a weird, uncalibrated way. You start acting mean to girls who are genuinely into you. You start putting other guys down. You start acting like someone who has something to prove. Girls pick up on this and won’t touch you with a ten foot pole, no matter how funny you think you’re being.

Ok, so enough with telling you how not to be different…what should you do?

You need to take your interactions with women, and people in general, to a deeper level than they are used to having.

Everyday we interact with more people than we can even keep track of. We have little surface level conversations that we have for no other reason than to kill silence and keep us moving along in our own little worlds.

Every so often, when we are lucky, we have an interaction that moves us, one where we find our selves connecting with another person on a deeper level. Not necessarily about religion, or mortality…it can be about anything really, but there is a deeper connection.

In these interactions we are so excited to be sharing our time and space with another person, that everything around us seems to disappear and the only thing on your mind is how you can’t wait to relate to what your friend is saying. You feel a rush of energy inside. You are connecting.

These are the interactions you will be having with women after your read this book and this is the reason that you will be different from every other guy in the room. You will be communicating and vibing with her on a totally different level then anyone else, and no one else will be your competition – you are literally flying above the race.

Naturally the next question is, how do we have these interactions?

More to come on this in the future, but if you can't wait to start having this type of success, check out juggler's "How to Be a Pickup Artist". He does a phenominal job at explaining how to take interactions deeper using his technique that he has termed "the vaccum".

This technique alone is the basis of my game now and when applied correctly, it WILL make the difference. Learn about it Here.

Last night I watched a guy get blown out of set simply because he was permission seeking.

When you approach a stranger to talk to them, YOU have to be the one who decides if you're supposed to be there, not them. Society tells us that strangers are bad, so if you act like a stranger, you will be treated like one.

If you act like an old friend...do you need her permission to sit down with her? Do you need her permission to chat?

An important principle in pickup is that your internal state will reflect onto the girl you are approaching. You want this to be warm, confident, relaxed, and playful. You do not want to hesitate. If you do, then she will too.

The other night I witnessed something awesome.

One of my "natural" buddies - NOT A GOOD LOOKING GUY- seduced a girl in about 5 minutes, using nothing but straight gunwitch method.

The club was closing at about 2 am and he was, as usual, looking for someone take home. I've never seen him run his game before, but I've heard his stories.

He walks up to a girl he's never even met before, just starts talking and immediately goese into sexual state. The tonality was there. The sleepy eyes. The closing physical space.

At first she didn't seem comfortable with it, but after about 5 minutes of talking to him, she couldn't keep her hands off, i've never seen GWM run perfectly, and now that I have, I've got to say it's pretty mind blowing.

Not "solid game", but if you're into sex...gwm might be for you. :)

You can check out Gunwitch's "Dynamic Sex life here

When you see your buddy who gets all the chicks you are amazed.

You go up to him after he chats up a cutie and you ask him "how did you just do that? What did you say?"

He replies "You know, just did my thing and shit."

Is he hiding anything from you? No. Does he want you to succeed? Sure, why not?

So what is it that he's doing?

He's being congruent to himself. And that means beign congruent to the type of guy that girls want.

Next quesetion would be, well, what do girls want?

Someone who can lead.

Someone who can remove the awkwardness from the first interaction (any interaction, really) and lead it from mundane, to deep, to the bedroom.

This my friends is game. Girls are thinking about you fucking them the second they meet you, they just can't act on it. Take it upon yourself to liberate them, to smoothly lead them from one step to the next while delicately fending off their anti-slut defense.

Think of it like this. You meet a girl and you two walk up to web of strings connected between two trees. There are holes in this web, some big enough to fit the two of you through.

There is one objective , make it to the other side.

There are two rules

1.You, the man, are the only one who can speak
2.No one can touch any of the ropes

You have to lead. You have to take her to the other side without either of you touching the strings (triggering anti slut defense).

Game on.

Style is a critically important part of pickup

When you show some flare with you style, some attention to details, girls NOTICE. It's almost like saying to them "Look, I get it, I understand you guys." Fashion is a female thing and showing them that you understand is showing them that you understand women.

Women like social men. In fact, most game relies on conveying to them that you are of high social status (being an interesting conversationalist, disqualifying yourself, small awareness radius, relaxed, interested in others).

In my opinion, dressing with style shows little about who you inherently are. There's no way you're going to tell me that all of the guys rocking the same outfit are the same person.

Instead, it shows your social sense. It shows how intelligent you are when it comes to social issues. Having a high social sense indicates high status. Think of someone with high social sense. How do they dress? Now think about the kid who sits in the front row of chem class...sneakers untied, flannel shirt, sweatpants.

When you show style, you are NOT faking it. If you are aware enough to don a certain outfit, then you are equally as socially aware. It's not something you've faked. It's just something that you've chosen.

When you dress correctly, women will open you. It's their only opportunity to open you and they will take it at every chance given.

Something that Juggler told me that I will always take to heart.."Yeah, in pickup, thinking is generally bad."

When you're thinking, you're not thinking. You're using your 133 mhz processor, your conscious brain, instead of your 6 gig processor, your subconscious.

I know all this conscious vs. Subconscious stuff sounds like mumbo jumbo. Trust me. I know. But it's also REAL.

When you are in "state", you are running on you unconscious and everything that's coming out of your mouth is aimed at taking you straight toward the bedroom.

When you are thinking too much, planning your next move, waiting for your turn to speak...You are suppressing your subconscious mind. You are operating at an estimated 1 trillionth of your maximum capacity.

So if you find yourself thinking about what to say or do next, STOP. Call it a night in terms of picking up women. Make your new goal "fuck it, I'm just gonna have fun tonight, picking up chicks is for another night...."

You might be surprised at where this takes you..

I was torn before making this post.

I really want this be a place where you can get away from all of the bullshit advertisements and stuff in the community and just read about one guy's musings on the game, but at the same time there is a really good deal going on for one day only.

Juggler, who as most of you by now know I am obsessed with :), is offering a 1 day special on his ebook, "How to Become a Pickup Artist". He is taking $10 dollars of the ebook (25% off of the total price) for Valentines day.

I have read this book countless times and this was the book that after years of confusion really set my mind straight. If you have been thinking about getting the book, today is the day. If you havn't been thinking about it, then what the hell is wrong with you? :) To get it click here

So I decided that I wanted to do something to spice up the blog a little bit. You know, show you guys a little DHV (Demonstration of High Value for you non-Mystery guys).

So, I've decided to give you guys my entire collection of seduction material that I've acquired over the years...one piece at at time. This could be fun :)

First up, "Surviving the Game of Dating" audio series.

It's 3 hours of Tyler and Style telling it how it is. For a full description, click
Here!

The drawing for it will be on the 21st of February (a week from today) and the cd set will be shipped out the same day, all expenses paid by me.

Be sure to respond to the confirmation email. This is done to make sure that no one is cheating. Also, VERY IMPORTANT the confirmation email may be in your "spam" folder. If it is, dig it out!

The world works in mysterious ways.

Intuition would say that when you try to achieve something, your chances of accomplishing your goal are increased. Experience tells you otherwise.

Now I'm not telling you to give up on life here, really, I'm not!

Hear me out. In the realm of social dynamics, and in our case, pickup, when you approach something in an outcome-oriented fashion, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

Consider the following:

The guy who tries to make everyone laugh is going to end up laughing alone at his own jokes.
The guy who brags about his BMW is going to end up riding home alone.
The guy that tries really hard to get rapport with a girl is going to get a polite "I have to use the bathroom".

The solution:

Lose your outcome orientation. Kill it. Kick it's ass. Seriously man.

The moment that you lose your need for a women in your life is the moment that one will enter.

Promise.

Hey guys. I figured out how to turn off the "members only" comment feature of the blog, which means anyone can add a comment now.It's my hope that in doing this, we can come together as a community and exchange ideas. So speak up!

Like Juggler says "loud men don't scare women, quiet men do."

Anyways, I havn't been able to post anything serious today because I've been swamped with school work. Good stuff is coming though, promise ;)

Just wanted to let you guys know about Juggler's free podcasts. Each show is like 25 minutes long and packed with great info. Just listening to Juggler and co. can have an effect on your game. I know it did on mine. Anyways, Check it out at:





In other news, I ran a pretty cool Awareness Radius experiment today, look for a post about it tomorrow afternoon. It's friday night, get out there!

Awareness Radius does an incredible job at explaining the almost magical effects of being “in state”. For those of you just tuning in, being in state, means being in the state of mind where you feel talkative open, confident and happy. This state radiates from you, and often without saying anything, you begin to notice girls shooting you indicators of interest from all over the room.

Before understanding AR (an abbreviation for awareness radius), I believed that state was conveyed through ones’ voice and bodylanguage, however, I wasn’t sure how or why. Now it makes more sense.

When your awareness radius is small, and you are focused. When you are focused on an interaction, you begin to get out of your head. When you are out of your head, your state is triggered. This is not possible by running around the club randomly “opening” people. It requires connecting with other people, possible only when you are focused, and your AR is small..

Your ability to focus on one person at a time is what creates the battle for your attention, which increases your perceived value. When you are working a mixed set, and you are conversing with only one girl at a time, the others begin to vie for your attention. This is communicated subconsciously and there is no need for negs or Cocky Funny.

Also, people not in your set notice that you are having fun and that you are engaging. These people will be drawn toward you. Your small Awareness Radius is what lets others know that you are “in state”, and will be fun to interact with.

I have to run, but there will be more to come on this subject....

The concept of "Awareness Radius" has become a topic of great discussion recently on the mASF forum. Usually I disregard all of these mumbo jumbo theories, but this one is different. The community is on to something here.

What is Awareness Radius?

Awareness Radius is a term that describes what you focus on in your environment. If your AR is big, you are taking in everything around you. If your AR is small, you are focused on what is currently directly in front of you, both physically and mentally.

People with high value have small AR. People with low value have high AR.

A person with a low AR is focused on his current interaction. He is focused on what he is doing, because he believes that where he's at is the place to be. He knows that any conversation he has, or any party that he is at, is where all of the fun is.

conversely, a person with a high AR is always looking around. He is not fully engaged in conversation because he always feels like someone else is having more fun. He is scanning the room for people to suck value from.

Notice the difference?

Look at guys with low AR. They are the ones who, at a club, are engaged in interactions. They are facing their buddies, or girls, because they are confident that they are "where it is at". What girl wouldn't want to be "where it is at?"

Now, look at the guys with high AR. They are facing away from their interactions, with body language suggesting that they are scanning the club for a new person to talk to. It is these guys that get approached the least. They appear needy and low value. What girl wants to approach a guy who is not having fun?

The common example used for awareness radius is Brad Pitt.

If Brad Pitt rolls into a club, how hard is it to get his attention?

Answer: Very.

But why? It's because he believes that what ever he is currently doing is THE BEST. He focuses on what is directly in front of him and the world gravitates toward him, people are sucked into his narrow (low) AR. They are coming into his reality.

A low AR is the mark of a high status person.

To be continued...

ijjjji of mASF has started a blog. He's got some great diagrams on thought loops. Check out the link here: ijjjji's blog.

"Learn the principle, abide by the principle, and dissolve the principle. In short, enter a mold without being caged in it. Obey the principle without being bound by it. LEARN, MASTER AND ACHIEVE!!!"

All social dynamics are based around energy. Read that again.

When we interact with other people, we are essentially plugging ourselves into "energy outlets". We draw energy from people who are fun, upbeat, and talkative. We become depleted when we talk to those who are quiet, reserved, and aloof.

Naturally, we gravitate toward those that can supply us with energy and try to stay clear of those who we think will "take" our energy and leave us down.

With this in mind, it is important to calibrate our energy levels going into an interaction. However much fun she's having, be just a little bit more fun than she is. If you guage her as a 6 out of 10 on the energy scale, come in as a 7. Come in as a 5 and she wont give you the time of day. Come in as a 9 and you'll make her uncomfortable. The formula is take her energy and add one.

As the interaction progresses, drop your energy level below the environment. Example: In a club, where you gauge the energy to be an 8, you will come in as a 9. After you open, hook, and begin to build rapport, slowly take it down. You want to be at a 7, or even a 6. Everything around her will being moving fast and you and her will be on the same wave length. She is now standing on an island with you, her new lover.

Often times when you're out with your friends in an environment where everyone knows each other, you may find it extremely difficult to strike up conversations with girls that you already know.

What do you say?

Hey, Chem class was great today!
So, you come here often?
That's a cool scarf, where'd you get it?

It's tough. Even after I was able to do cold approaching, this was still a problem for me from time to time.

Here's what I've discovered works.

Start with "Hi!" and a smile. Immediately KINO. Touch her arm, back, anything.

Make a statement. I've found that in social circle pickup, you have to start with a broad statement, it's a subtle way of controlling the frame and taking lead. Questions just sound weird. So make a broad general statement about the bar "you know, I just love this place"

She will then ask you "why?"

Ball is in your court.

"I really just have a great time every time I come out here. I think it's the intimacy. Like, last weekend at that frat party, I couldn't really connect with anyone because there was too much going on."

SHE WILL AGREE WITH YOU. She will be like, "yeah..i know what you're saying..."

Don't take over the conversation here, there is a "vacuum" (credit to Juggler for this concept) of silence that she will then fill. She will fill it by relating to you and talking about an experience etc.

Then from their just vibe off of what she's saying. So if she's talking about this party over on such and such street, maybe you ask her what she thinks of that street, because you're thinking of moving there. Maybe she tells you about a fraternity party....ask her how she feels about them, or fraternities in general.

Now you two will be on the same page, vibing and having a good time.

Take her to grab a drink. Buy her a beer. OH NO I SAID IT! Share a drink together. Hang out. Bring her into your circle of friends Have fun. Escalate the Kino. You're in.