Saturday, February 25, 2006
Entertainment tonight
The objective in pickup is not proving to others that you are cool, or rich, or funny. The objective is simply this; draw other people out of their heads and engage them.
Too often, beginners are taught strategies, routines, and stories that leave them acting like clowns instead of cool guys. Sometimes, even the seasoned pros fall into this trap.
John Henson, the business manager over at CSI calls this the "entertainment trap". Below is an entry that he posted on his blog.
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The Entertainment Trap
Its soooo easy to do - fall into the entertainment trap. I found myself doing it last night.
I was out at a local college bar for $3 beer pong with a few friends. I was enjoying conversations with a few friends new and old, and while my beer pong arm was hurt, it was a fun night. Ran into some girls I haven't seen in awhile. Then I saw Nicole.
Nicole has been "dating" my friend Will for a few months. Very attractive girl and friendly as can be; I think she's 20. But Nicole very much buys into the U of M Attitude. Its the weirdest thing: if a girl knows you or someone you know, you're best friends. If you don't have any connection to her, you are CRAP and are not allowed to talk to her. Its certainly not like this with all of the girls, mostly the sorority scene and its periphery. Anyways, it drove me batty until I got on the facebook (like friendster for universities) and realized how many people I knew here.
So, I said hello to Nicole. We'd only met once before, briefly, and we'd forgotten each other's names. Anyways, the conversation starts and before I know it I'm in Presentation Mode.
Presentation Mode is one of John's business alter-egos. Its the guy who used to present to venture capitalists and other potential investors. Now, you typically get one of two things from this audience, both of which I'd developed instinctive responses to:
1.) blank stares until you're done: move on, pour forth more energy, try to engage them. You're afraid to stop for a moment because you know if will be uncomfortable.
2.) lots of questions out of left field that can derail you. So you acknowledge their question, offer some kind of pat answer or an "I don't know", and you get back to your presentation.
Shortly before I'd started talking to Nicole, I'd been telling a friend about an idea I had for a new class of investment, and was definitely pitching. This state carried over as I started talking to Nicole. I just told story after story, every now and then asking questions, but only to advance my conversational agenda (which was to entertain). I offered a bunch of information about myself without making her ask for it. Just sloppy salesmanship.
The problem with this is not that she didn't want to stick around. She was hanging on my words. But something weird happened - two of her friends came by and she didn't introduce me. I'm ALWAYS introduced. And I realized that I'd fallen into the Entertainment Trap. I'd been providing so much of the energy and giving her so little ability to be assertive that by the time her friends came along, it was a little reprieve for her. 10 seconds was enough, then she was back.
Even though I had no goal with Nicole other than friendly conversation, I'd violated all of our rules. Create a vacuum. Be comfortable with silence. Don't offer too much information. DON'T ENTERTAIN TOO MUCH!
Entertainment can be a great way to be interesting to someone, but it ultimately makes things harder as your relationship with that person evolves. They have not made a commitment to the interaction commensurate with your own. They will always be wondering why you really enjoy spending time with them - are they a subject of a 2-way interaction, or an object of your self-indulgent need to have people listen to you?
---
Have you ever found yourself in this spot before? Chances are you have..
There's alot of great stuff over in the passport section of the Charisma Sciences website, which is where this post came from. I encourage you to check it out. Their writings are light years of mine, but hey...I'm getting better :)
Too often, beginners are taught strategies, routines, and stories that leave them acting like clowns instead of cool guys. Sometimes, even the seasoned pros fall into this trap.
John Henson, the business manager over at CSI calls this the "entertainment trap". Below is an entry that he posted on his blog.
-----
The Entertainment Trap
Its soooo easy to do - fall into the entertainment trap. I found myself doing it last night.
I was out at a local college bar for $3 beer pong with a few friends. I was enjoying conversations with a few friends new and old, and while my beer pong arm was hurt, it was a fun night. Ran into some girls I haven't seen in awhile. Then I saw Nicole.
Nicole has been "dating" my friend Will for a few months. Very attractive girl and friendly as can be; I think she's 20. But Nicole very much buys into the U of M Attitude. Its the weirdest thing: if a girl knows you or someone you know, you're best friends. If you don't have any connection to her, you are CRAP and are not allowed to talk to her. Its certainly not like this with all of the girls, mostly the sorority scene and its periphery. Anyways, it drove me batty until I got on the facebook (like friendster for universities) and realized how many people I knew here.
So, I said hello to Nicole. We'd only met once before, briefly, and we'd forgotten each other's names. Anyways, the conversation starts and before I know it I'm in Presentation Mode.
Presentation Mode is one of John's business alter-egos. Its the guy who used to present to venture capitalists and other potential investors. Now, you typically get one of two things from this audience, both of which I'd developed instinctive responses to:
1.) blank stares until you're done: move on, pour forth more energy, try to engage them. You're afraid to stop for a moment because you know if will be uncomfortable.
2.) lots of questions out of left field that can derail you. So you acknowledge their question, offer some kind of pat answer or an "I don't know", and you get back to your presentation.
Shortly before I'd started talking to Nicole, I'd been telling a friend about an idea I had for a new class of investment, and was definitely pitching. This state carried over as I started talking to Nicole. I just told story after story, every now and then asking questions, but only to advance my conversational agenda (which was to entertain). I offered a bunch of information about myself without making her ask for it. Just sloppy salesmanship.
The problem with this is not that she didn't want to stick around. She was hanging on my words. But something weird happened - two of her friends came by and she didn't introduce me. I'm ALWAYS introduced. And I realized that I'd fallen into the Entertainment Trap. I'd been providing so much of the energy and giving her so little ability to be assertive that by the time her friends came along, it was a little reprieve for her. 10 seconds was enough, then she was back.
Even though I had no goal with Nicole other than friendly conversation, I'd violated all of our rules. Create a vacuum. Be comfortable with silence. Don't offer too much information. DON'T ENTERTAIN TOO MUCH!
Entertainment can be a great way to be interesting to someone, but it ultimately makes things harder as your relationship with that person evolves. They have not made a commitment to the interaction commensurate with your own. They will always be wondering why you really enjoy spending time with them - are they a subject of a 2-way interaction, or an object of your self-indulgent need to have people listen to you?
---
Have you ever found yourself in this spot before? Chances are you have..
There's alot of great stuff over in the passport section of the Charisma Sciences website, which is where this post came from. I encourage you to check it out. Their writings are light years of mine, but hey...I'm getting better :)
|| Knoweldge One (Formerly Spitkicker), 5:49 PM
5 Comments:
Hey Dude great blog!! online dating safety
I'll have to check out CSI...but I have found that SS material works great once you get in that "lull". It fills the void, and makes them more attracted to you.
CSI is very NON manipulative,which is what initially drew me toward them. I'm not sure if the same could be said for SS.
CSI is just so real and genuine..hard to explain...if you ever talk to juggler, or read his book you'll understand..
However, from what i understand, one of SS principles is "fact fact fantasty", which is basically question, question, relate on a deep level.
This is very similar to what Juggler (CSI) teaches...
CSI is just so real and genuine..hard to explain...if you ever talk to juggler, or read his book you'll understand..
However, from what i understand, one of SS principles is "fact fact fantasty", which is basically question, question, relate on a deep level.
This is very similar to what Juggler (CSI) teaches...
I am new to this whole thing. What is CSI?
I really like your blog but I couldn't find an email address anywhere to contact you. I too live in A2 and took the CSI workshop back in January. I really believe it has changed my life. I have met some great wings since but I would always like to meet someone else from the CSI school. Send me a message if you are ever interested in meeting up or discussing your progress since CSI. krack12@gmail.com (Krack on CSI forum).