ZEN and the art of ATTRACTION.

Zen is the game of insight, the game of discovering who you are beneath the social masks.
- R. H. Blyth

Lets change the way we think about women.

Women are a gift; from the universe to us. When do we receive this gift? When do we deserve the reward?

When we are happy.

What happens when we are happy? The rich get richer. The happy get happier.

When are we happy? We are happy when we accept our current condition.

We achieve this by accepting the fact that, "what is, is", meaning what can't be changed, simply "is".

We achieve this by being completely grateful for everything in our life that we can possibly be grateful for.

We achieve this by being in the "now". Not thinking about 5 minutes ago. Not thinking about 5 minutes from now.

We achieve this by accepting ourselves and not seeking the approval of anyone else.

When we are completely happy, desiring nothing, just being, we are given the gift of women.

If we are armed with a clear mind, the most true indicator of happiness, we will seize the opportunities that this great universe has to offer us.

As long as we stay happy and desireless, all of our old desires will be met, and in an abundance that is nearly unimaginable.

Only when you stop wanting can you have.

I just got back from running some errands. Along the way I managed to meet 3 beautiful women. All 3 interactions were great.

Why?

Playfulness.

I was feeling silly. They were feeling attracted.

Playfulness shows alot of things.

First, it shows that you don't take yourself too seriously.
Second, it shows that you're not taking the interaction too seriously.
Third it shows that you're not taking her too seriously (not intimidated).
Fourth it shows that you know how to have fun.

Playful tip of the day - pretend your stupid. Minsinterpert. Make her help you figure stuff out.

When I say stupid..i mean like reaaally stupid.

"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought"
-Basho

Discuss

"The map is not the territory"
-Alfred Korzbyski

So I'm Watching the Tyra Banks Show Right now. Don't ask.

The topic is woman who crave sex.

One girl just said she wants it before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and an after dinner snack.

Think about this next time you're out. Don't dwell on it. Keep your mind open and free, but when something like "She doesn't want it" creeps in, you can give yourself a little reminder that girls just like guys, "want it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and an after dinner snack"

On a completely seperate note, Tyra Banks is a beautiful person.

This whole thing. It's not about women.

You tell yourself it is, but of course, this is only to tame your ego.

"I'm fine, I'm the fucking shit, it's just that, well, you know, I have to get this particular skillset handled"

No. Life is not a skillset. Sorry. I ain't gonna buy it.

Maybe its not your "ability to interact with women" that needs correcting.

Maybe, just maybe, it's your entire way of thinking about life.

Maybe your lack of success stems from your inability to control your emotions. Maybe it stems from your inability to get over the past. Maybe it stems from your inability to let what is, be. Maybe it stems from your inability to let go of the future. Maybe it stems from your desire to control. Maybe it stems from your childhood desire for approval.

See, everyone's running around trying to cure the symptom "bad with women" when really, no one is giving thought to the disease.

Don't blame this on the symptom. Don't blame it on anything actually, it just is. No blame required.

What you can do though is look at yourself. Really look at yourself. There's something behind all of this that is manifesting itself in a lack of success with women. Why not find it and change it.

You can't just keep trying to hack at the weeds, you have to uproot them.

Have you ever had a thought like this:

"If I could just bang one 10, then I'd be able to bang them all, beacuse like, if I could do it once then I'd just have so much confidence that no woman ever again would be a problem"

Honestly, have you?

Well you know what, I've had this thought. And I've banged the 10. And you know what happened?

Things got worse.

You see, the higher the climb, the longer/harder the fall.

So you get that 10 one night, finally. Then, it's tomrrow and she's gone.

For a few days you think about it, and you're happy. great. then what?

You want to repeat it. You HAVE to repeat it. Your EGO craves this confirmation.

Pressure to perform builds, an interaction goes poorly, and suddenly, you've convinced yourself that your 10 only liked you because of x,y, or z, and not because of your "game."

Now what?

Stop thinking about 5 minutes from now.

5 minutes from now will still be now.

So why not just think about now?

Good. Glad I could help.

Well, as you can see...new name..again..am i crazy?

Maybe.

What is vibing? What is giving off a vibe?

What the hell am I talking about?

I'm talking about vibrations.

Everything Vibrates. You Vibrate. She Vibrtaes.

Your vibrations convey the truth. Nothing can mask it.

Once you have mastered yourself, Mastered your mind:

You will vibrate.

She will understand.

She will want to sleep with you.

It's as simple as that.

True learning is learning that there is nothing to learn.

Pickup is a means to an end, not an end.

So many guys enter this wacky little world, hoping to solve a problem, and end up with a whole new one.

So many guys come in feeling inadequate as a man, and then along the way, start feeling indadequate as a pickup artist.

Ask yourself this; do you want to be a cool, relaxed guy who gets tons of girls, or do you want to be a pickup artist?

If you're striving to become the first, then don't beat yourself up when you aren't the second.

There are times when I'm in my head, thinking about philosophy or business or politics or whatever it may be, and I don't really feel like "picking up". So what do I do during these times? I just enjoy my life and get lost in my thoughts. I'm a deep, intelligent man, not a pickup machine.

Lose the scarcity mindset. If you were good with women last night, you will be good with women tomorrow...even if....gasspp...you don't talk to that many woman today. Stop fearing regression; it ain't gonna happene..unless you keep thinking about it.

Live your life as a man who is good with women, not a man who needs to constantly prove to himself that he is a well-oiled pickup machine.

Let's consider for a moment two mindsets.

The first is...

"the world is filled with scarcity. Money is limited. Jobs are Limited. Good women are few and far between. "

this is the scarcity mindset.

The second is....

"the world is filled with abundance. Everywhere I look, there is stuff. There is plenty of money to go around. There are plenty of jobs. There are 3 Billion women out there for me. I live in abundance."

Which way do you think?

I know that I've been guilty of thinking "Man, there's only 4 cute girls at my school", or "I have no options because I dated this one girl, and now ALL these girls are off limits"

Have you ever commited such treason?

What happens when we live in this scarcity mindset?

1. We place to much importance on outcome.
2. We do not expect abundance, and thus don't recieve it.

and now for the big one...

3. Even when we get what we are striving for, we still feel the lack.

If we accept the scarcity mentality, then once we have that perfect 10, we are scared to lose her. This mentality drives her away. Now, we are back to square one again...

Think about this stuff. Toss it around in your mind a little bit. It's really interesting. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

And again, if you havn't already picked up a copy of Dr. Alex Benzer's The Tao of Dating, you're making a huuuge mistake. I really do hate to sound like an ad, but its the truth.

You must be, yourself.

Notice the comma. Read it out loud. Pause for a second after the word 'be'.

Think about it. What's it mean to Be....yourself?

In your journey to become better with women, surely you will come in contact with some truly great ladies men. Weather it be in person, or simply through maybe reading Tyler or Juggler's Archives, you will share your journey with others.

I think we are all guilty in feeling secure in the "presence" of others who are better than us.

It's as if we think we're automatically better with women, if we associate ourselves with the world's best.

But ultimately, its only you.
It's only yourself.
And you must BE, yourself.
Not, the community.

You cannot BE, Juggler.

Juggler is probably off somewhere reading a book..and you? what are you doing? you must BE BEING YOU.

Too often we rest on others' contributions. You must learn to rely only on yourself.

Imagine this:

You belong to a great group of guys, who have LOTS of fun.

You shold be glad, you really should.

But remember, that this group is fun because it consists of lots of guys BEING fun. In order to create this sort of environment, everyone in the group themselves must BE, fun.

You cannot loaf. It doesn't work that way. The second you try to let others "create" the fun for you, so that you can just take, the fun will disappear. Why does this happen?

Dr. Alex Benzer, Author of the Extraordinary Tao Of Dating, discusses this concept in his ebook.

If you ask the universe "What can I take?" , It will come right back at you and ask "what can I take?" But if you ask it, "how can i serve?" It will look at you and ask, "How can I serve?"

Imagine the extraordinary quality of your life if the universe were continually asking itself, "How Can I Serve You?"

I encourage you to pickup a copy of Benzer's book, The Tao of Dating, it will be one of the best investments that you have ever made. It will help you change your entire thought structure.

So you've realized that no one else besides YOU can validate YOU.

Now, what happens once you've become self-validated?

You become a magnet.

Just about everyone in your life that you come in contact with will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. They will do so in order to feel better about themselves.

The ability to validate others is what will ultimately set you free..

So many of us started on this journey because we needed to get this part of our life handled.

Why?

Validation.

Getting a HOT girl validates you, and lets you know that "you're the man."

Come on guys, you know its true. Your friends will be jealous. You'll be the man. You just have to figure out the game and then you're golden. Life will be great. Life will be valid.

Herein lies the paradox: in order to become an attractive man, you have to be self-validated.

It is our search for validation that ultimately sabatoges our search for validation. It's a cruel little joke that the universe plays on us, ain't it?

No # of closes or lays will validate you. You can get 50 girls in bed this next year, and still be approval seeking. Running up #'s is not the answer..

To be continued...

We know that "being in the moment" is the name of the game. But why? Let's take a look...

The extent to which we are happy at any given moment is largely correlated with our "locus of control", the degree to which we think we are in control of the world.

Now, at any given time, there are three places we can be in mentally; the past, present, or future

The past is immutable. It's over. It's done. We cannot change it. When we are living in the past, we have the lowest possible degree of control.

The future is definately subject to a bit of our control. You can set goals. You can have plans, you can have a rough idea of the future, but you could also die tomorrow. Lest not forget this. How much control over the future do you really have? Not much.

Finally, we come to our present. This is the only time we can make decisions. THE ONLY TIME. To be in the now is to be alive. You might not be around tomorrow. But right now you are. Right now you have complete control of your decisions and thus your life.

This high level of control equates to a high locus of control, which results in happiness.

Putting aside all of the 3 million additional physiological benefits of being in the now, I want to talk about the effect of happines on the now and on your interactions.

When two people communicate, emotions are shared. They are contagious. People naturally gravitate toward those that are happy in order to achieve happiness themselves.

Remember, people move toward pleasure and away from pain.

You can provide this pleasure by living in the now.

So many times we see guys in the community ditching their values to assume new personas.

"If you do what you always done," they say "you'll get what you've always gotten".

All of the sudden we have thousands of cocky asshole alphas, who increase their value by trying to push others down. Deep down know they are lying to themselves.

We have guys who value authenticity and honesty, who will tell stories just to pull a fast one on a girl as a "learning experience."

Guys who are bettering their lives by ruining others. "It's survival of the fittest baby!" they say.

Riiiiiiiight.

This is life. Not a game. Your values still apply. There are other people in this world besides you.

If you come to a club and attempt to AMOG me and steal my girl by making fun of me and acting cocky and funny and giving me a noogie, I will gladly hand the girl to you!

She's just not that important to me.

If you really feel the need to act that way to validate youself, awesome. I'll move on to the next girl and let you have the last one. I just want you to feel good about yourself. Seriously.

In my ideal world, everyone feels good about themselves.

Excuse my tangent..

There's a higher road. There's a way to bring joy to the world by bringing emotion and energy and passion to interactions. A way to approach the world with integrity.

Lets take this road.

I'll help you navigate it.

Whaddaya say?

Thanks SpiritFingers for the gracious shout out..welcome to all of you coming over here from
SexRevolution, I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay!

Yesterday I sat in a Barnes & Noble and watched a five year old boy excitedly tell his mom about his new trading cards.

The mother smiled, asked questions, changed her tonality, and acted 100% interested in what the child was saying.

Mother: "So what do the 'spell' cards do honey?"..."Wow, that's incredible!"..."What are those right there?.."

What was his response? He kept telling her more and more, his excitement growing along with the gigantic smile on his face.

What can we learn from this?

1. In asking open ended questions which are interesting to the child, the adult draws the child out of his shell, and gets him talking.

2. In talking about a topic that he finds interesting, the child is put into an amazing state.

3. The adult smiles and varies her tonality across a wide range to convey excitement.

4. Even if the adult isn't interested in what the child is talking about, she marvels at the beauty and the innocence of the child, and the mere act of listening to an excited, beautiful young child is what's gratifying.

5. The adult leads the interaction the entire way. This is the relationship between the adult and the child.

Really take a moment to think about how this relates to pickup and social dynamics. I would love to hear your thoughts..

Spirit Fingers, formerly of "The Natural Game Journals" fame, has started a new blog called "The Sex Revolution Blog."

This is really great. Along with a new layout and name, he's going to be posting more frequently and he's also going to be incorporating....you guessed it...sex tips.

Spirit Fingers is one of the biggest advocates of natural game in this blogosphere, and his stuff is money, so be sure to check him out here